New Identity

It’s already been seven weeks since Clint’s passing, though it feels much longer than that.  Life has been very full these last several weeks, as you can imagine.  Being a single mom is a lot of work, and a whole new identity!  I used to pity single mothers…and then I became one.  Now I have a whole new level of respect for them.  They have to be mom AND dad, full time caretaker, total decision maker, full time housekeeper and meal planner, amongst many other responsibilities.  I thank God for giving me the strength and energy to do all these things, as well as surrounding me with the family and friends I need for support.  God has been good, as well as thorough in His covering.

There is a weird phenomenon that typically happens during tragedies, and that is when tragedies strike, a lot of times friends will scatter and are nowhere to be found.  I had the opposite thing happen during ours, and I am so grateful.  I had friends I never knew I had coming out of the woodworks and they stuck by my side through the caretaking and loss of my husband – and they are still here!  I feel so blessed, and I hope I am trying hard enough to be as good of a friend to them as they have been to me.  I think it is important to always be the kind of friend that you would like to have.

I am happy to say that Clint’s memorial service went well last month. So many people pulled together to make it happen, from the programs, music, and photos/videotaping to the organization of the reception – it was a really honoring tribute to Clint. God gave me the words and the courage to speak and share about Clint’s life – something I didn’t know I could do until I did.  When I receive the DVD of the service, I am hoping to find a way to post it on here for people to see who couldn’t attend.

Here is the display we have at home to honor Clint (I'm sorry the picture resolution isn't that great):

It’s really interesting how we grow and change through many of life’s experiences.  I honestly never felt “grown up” until we faced Clint’s first battle with cancer.  After his passing, I now truly feel like an adult.  I think it was the enormity of responsibility on my plate that made me have to mature into an adult.  With that, it seems I have a new identity now.  I have also discovered that I am no longer shy or afraid of what people think of me.  When only a year ago, I would have been afraid to speak in front of a group, I am no longer afraid of public speaking.  I can identify with many more groups of people now than I ever have before.  I identify with mothers who have lost children, the homeless, the abandoned, the lonely, people who have made poor life choices, single mothers, and widows (this one I had the hardest time accepting).  But I also identify with the conquerers and the overcomers.  I have given ALL of those to the Lord and have surrendered them for His use and purposes.  If He wants to use me to reach and comfort those groups of people, I AM OPEN AND WILLING.  He does not waste experiences, whether good or bad.  He can use them all!

Felicity and I have gotten used to our new routine – our new normal.  It wasn’t the easiest transition, but I am thankful that my daughter is resilient.  She is one happy kid!  It was sad when she asked for daddy all the time after he passed, but even sadder when she quit asking.  We keep pictures of him everywhere and keep him in the conversation.  We even send secret messages to him in our bedtime prayers, as well as blow him goodnight kisses.  She must dream about daddy because she woke up a few mornings ago crying and calling for daddy.  It broke my heart.  (She got lots of extra snuggles that morning).

So now we are moving forward and seeing what God has planned for us.

I want to again thank everyone for being here with us, whether in person or in prayer.  Please don’t forget to keep us in your prayers, as we thrive on them – we see and feel them working.  Please don’t be afraid to text or call or ask if we need help – it’s not a bother.  Yes, life is busy, but sometimes it’s really refreshing to have company, and even someone to just come alongside and help with some household chores (it is a struggle to keep on top of everything).

Thank you to each person who has blessed us, prayed for us, donated to us, cooked and cleaned, did yard work, wrote me cards and letters, sent books, called, walked the dogs and spent time with them, among SO many other things!!  Also, thank you to Michelle from Uncork & Unwind for blessing us on so many occasions, and thank you to Allan from the Robert Allan Salon for covering my hair appointment before Clint’s memorial service.  I cannot fully express how grateful I am!  God bless all of you.

Also, if you have a moment, please read this beautiful tribute my friend Matt Peppley wrote about Clint on his blog: http://babyannajoy.blogspot.com/2014/09/where-have-your-sandals-been.html
 

I will continue posting entries, so please check back in.

So much love and appreciation,

Reini