I was thinking about Clint today while I was driving to work. A song came on the radio by Third Day (Your Love oh Lord) that he used to really like, and it was one we played at his service during the picture reel. I've been doing really well, but I lost it in the car when that song came on. I haven't really been able to cry much (too busy!) - and I do sometimes when I miss him. But this morning, I REALLY MISSED HIM.
I thought about how grateful I am to have had him as a husband, and even more grateful that he loved the Lord. He was a faithful man of God. I'm so thankful he will never experience suffering anymore. I'm thankful (and jealous) he gets to be with Jesus. But I still miss him. A new friend of mine, who is also a widow, told me to prepare for the grief to come in waves...and she was right.
After that song ended in the car, I then began to think of all that God has asked of me. He had asked me to surrender all I had to Him. I held on for a while, but I felt Him say that He wanted me to surrender all I had....and still trust Him if He took it all from me. That is a lot to ask!!! But you know what? I did. I let go, and said, "Ok, God. Your plan is greater than I can understand, but I know that you will take care of me and be with me anyways, even if you take it all." And then God took Clint home to heaven. It hurt. But God has sustained me and given me strength. God has used this experience and this new identity to open doors in connecting with people I never would have before - and He is making a difference in lives. I am thankful that God can use all of this to reach others!
So, tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Tomorrow will be Felicity's and my first Thanksgiving without her daddy. While that makes me sad, I know we will be surrounded with wonderful loving family members and very close friends - and I am thankful for that. Regardless of our losses, God still blesses us, especially when we trust Him. I have a lot to be thankful for.
Thank you for all your prayers and love and support - thank you that they have continued, even after the dust has begun to settle.
May each of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and may God pour out His rich blessings on you and your families.