I realize that Clint was God's to begin with, and I was entrusted with Clint's care as his wife and caregiver. I meant my wedding vows when I said "In sickness and in health" and "For better or for worse" - and unfortunately, we faced sickness and worse. But Clint is worth it all. I have done my best to be a good steward with my husband and our marriage, and as his overall caretaker. I love him dearly, and I will always love him. I don't know what God plans to do or why all this has happened, but ultimately the answers don't matter...what matters is what I do with what I'm given. And I choose to trust God. His ways are higher than my ways, and His thoughts higher than my own. HE knows what He is doing. And I surrender all to Him and praise Him through it all, regardless of what happens.
In preparing for the worst, it's really hard to continue hoping for the best, but I do continue to hold out that hope. When man and medicine can do nothing, it's a perfect time for a miracle...and it would be a miracle that no one but God could take credit for. We still ask God for it while surrendering all to Him.
I had a conversation with Clint a while ago. I told him that sometimes people have a "Jesus" moment where they stand on the edge of life and death with the Lord, and they have a choice...do they stay or go? If Clint ever has that moment, I told him to choose Jesus. I never want to hold him here in suffering when he could have a full restoration with Jesus. I never want to be a selfish wife. I love him too much for that. I know Jesus will be with me and Felicity always, and He will continue to provide for all our needs. We will see Clint again in heaven, and I know it will come at the right time.
One Last Date:
I decided to take Clint out on a date last night; it was probably our last and final date. We went to Uncork & Unwind in Tumwater. It is an amazing place with unparalleled service. Michelle Pierce, the owner, set up a table for us with a beautiful vase full of flowers (which she sent home with us, along with a bottle of the white port we each had a glass of - thank you!) Michelle really made that final date special for us. THANK YOU MICHELLE. Here are pictures of our date night:
|Delicious white coffee port with Creme Brulee Cheesecake (Clint) and Uninterrupted Chocolate (me, of course!)|
|The dessert menu - AMAZING...I recommend the Coffee Port|
|We used the cards in the flowers to seal up little love notes for each other.|
|This was such a special and very romantic date for Clint and me. Uncork & Unwind made it possible and unforgettable.|
I would like to add that Michelle is hosting a benefit auction on Clint's behalf at Uncork & Unwind on September 7th at 4:00 p.m. There will be food, wine, and many donated items up for silent auction, and it will be a beautiful event celebrating Clint's life, and our life together as a family. I plan to be there, and I invite you to join us. For anyone wishing to donate an item for auction, please contact my sister Stephanie Lund at firstname.lastname@example.org.